Back in the days of yore, several older, but maybe not wiser, friends of mine from our tiny village in central Iowa, decided to traverse the entire 2300 miles of the mighty Mississippi River.

They built a raft of 2 giant war surplus rubber pontoons somehow bolted and lashed together. It was topped by a wooden lean-to and propelled by a tiny outboard engine. Sitting on its trailer, it looked like an out-house riding on 2 giant 30-foot long hot dogs.

This is not exactly my idea what canal cruises - or river cruises - are all about. Imagine a sleek 400 foot long river cruise boat ... well, let's not get ahead of the story.

Their plan was to start at Minneapolis and float as far as they could during their week's vacation time and then start the next year from where they had left off. It would take at least a dozen years to accomplish the entire journey.

I followed this epic along for several years, listening to all their tales - like being in a huge lock surrounded by gigantic, terrifying raft-crushing chains of grain-filled barges. Or of the huge northern pike - more likely a sturgeon - they "almost" caught - and pulled one of them overboard.

Tying up on the riverbank and sleeping overnight on hard, solid ground may sound reasonable to some. However, it seems that was more like a long, wet, camping trip. A true river cruise - or canal cruise - would involve crawling into a nice firm bed and snuggling down under a cozy feather duvet while being gently rocked to sleep. That sounds much more reasonable. And comfortable.

Near St. Louis they were caught in a terrible storm that destroyed the "out-house." That was almost enough to make them decide it wasn't worth the effort.

But they prevailed.

I went off to the Army and never heard any details of the downriver leg of the tale. However, they kept the dream alive each year, 200 miles by 200 miles. Finally some time later, my mother sent me a newspaper clipping: "the boys" and raft had finally cruised successfully into New Orleans and they were on their way home - via bus.

It would be nice to believe that there was some sort of recognition of the journey, but there was none. At the very least, the raft belongs in a maritime museum.

However, truth be told, somewhere on the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico rests this wonderful makeshift rickety raft. One that has the distinct honor of outdoing the imaginary feats of Mark Twain's Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn. In today's terminology, it was a "slam dunk."

This is NOT my idea of a happy and relaxing river cruise; nor should it be yours. Here's a look at what people on river cruises think about their experiences: Interviews

Not quite your typical river raft? I'll say. Just check this virtual tour provided by AMA Waterways. and a brief video from the same quality operator can be found: here.

Midi Canal, France









Mosel River, Cochem, Germany

Not to miss is ewaterways, which provides you with a nifty assortment of riverboat cruises and small ship cruises, as well. ewaterways has now become a full service agency.

Click on this line to check out etravelbillboard.com for most everything for your trip.

In case you need a phone:

Buy.com is a giant discount store with electronics, travel accessories and just about anything else.

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